But my therapist has encouraged me to journal more as a way of figuring out what emotions are driving me to eat when I shouldn't be, to binge, to restrict, to shop, to buy crap just because it makes me feel better. So I'm going to try something. Let's see what happens if I make myself take some time every day for the next month to write. I don't have any particular outcome, but I would like to work these things:
- Less ED. My bulimic side has been very hard to control since I got out of treatment. My good days are incredibly better than they used to be but my bad days are just as bad as ever. I've had one bulimic day in the last month; I'd like to go the entire next 30 days without any bulimic episodes. Writing about my feelings each day should provide an outlet to minimize my urges to binge or restrict.
- Less anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder, which means I can and will stress over anything and everything. I'd like to spend the next month coming up with some strategies for managing my day-to-day anxiety. Writing should help!
- Less spending. Spending has been a problem for me for a while. It's also a huge source of anxiety for me. It's not like we're in debt from anything other than our mortgage and a tiny student loan, but I seem to fritter away a lot of money on stupid stuff. I want to try to figure out why.
- Less stuff. Decluttering gives me a sense of purpose. It also helps keep me sane. Because I grew up in a hoarded home I get seriously upset and emotionally disturbed when I'm in a disorganized space. I've fallen out of the decluttering habit recently and I'd like to try to get back into it a bit more. It should make me feel more emotionally stable when I know that I'm consistently getting rid of stuff.
So each day I'll post something about my day, touching on one or more of these lessons in "less." Or at least I'll try. Not like it's a huge deal if I don't!
You can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteOne of my therapists had me keep a journal when I was in the depths of my eating disorder. Above all else, it was the thing that helped me to see that food and eating was just something I was using to act out much deeper emotions.
ReplyDeleteIf nothing else, it's a wonderful place to vent, because you don't have to feel guilty about burdening anyone else with your emotional stuff. It's like no matter how crazy or out of place or inappropriate your emotions may seem, the notebook won't get its feelings hurt, and it's not going to tell anyone. There's nothing you can tell it that it can't handle.
Good luck with it. I hope it opens as many doors for you as it did for me!
I think it will be. It's been hard to get started, but I'm finally ready for it. I know I wasn't when I started treatment. Yay for progress!
DeleteI phrase I find helpful is "Progress, not perfection". As I try to make progress, everything little victory is a good sign, even if it's surrounded by a bunch of little non-successes. If I get caught up in trying to be perfect, then I set myself up for failure...
ReplyDeleteAll the best!
you're absolutely right. I think that's going to be my new motto!
Delete