Thursday, October 25, 2012

urge to splurge

Have you figured out why you shop? I shop when I'm feeling great, to heighten the awesomeness I'm feeling. I shop when I'm feeling sad, to cheer myself up. Today, I felt fat. Fat apparently isn't a feeling, or so my therapist says. Translation? I felt incompetent. I felt ugly. I wasn't willing to let myself binge to make myself feel better (go me!) but all day I had a building desire to go to Ann Taylor. I needed to go. I was going to go crazy if I didn't.

On Thursday nights I take a class downtown. (In)conveniently, Union Station happens to be a fine place for me to hop off the train and walk to class. But this is America, so it's not just a train station...
It's also a mall. 

 With laser-beam focus I hustle my way up to the Ann Taylor on the second floor, with visions of 4" heels floating in my head....
Wait, WHAT?!? Closed?
 *Gasp.* Panic. How can Ann Taylor <3 DC if it's under renovation? How dare they!

My plan was foiled. But the desire to acquire is still strong with this one. So I turned around and sulked my way down the hallway. Until I found this.

No, it's not a dentist's office in a mall, though I've heard they do that. It was eyebrow threading. I have big, dark eyebrows that would make Sesame Street's Bert jealous. I hadn't had mine done in ages and these were only $12. I had been trying to save money by not getting my eyebrows done but I think I was just making myself feel worse about my personal care. But this was half the price of what I usually pay. *This* was something that would make me feel better!

Ten minutes later I felt much better, much more put-together and presentable. And my desperate need to go buy something? Well, the desire was still there. But it wasn't screaming at me anymore. I headed outside and enjoyed a relaxing walk across the National Mall to class.

Just another walk to night school. I love this town.
I feel like I won in every way possible. I gave ED a kick in the rear end, I don't have a $100 charge for shoes on my credit card, and I don't have yet another pair of shoes I don't need cluttering up my closet. Hoarding habits AND ED beaten with just a $12 eyebrow job. Taking care of myself has so many rewards.

My mom always put my sister and me first. Always. And while that sounds like a good thing, I realize now how bad it was because it meant that she never took care of herself. You can fight hoarding with meds. You can fight hoarding with therapy. Or you can fight hoarding by taking care of yourself.

Please take care of yourself, mom.


  1. Sounds like you battled the shopping demon and won!

  2. WOOHOO! I always think it's WAY better to pay for self care rather than items. That's one of the few areas I will splurge on, like getting a cut & color or Brazilian. I try to be a do-it-yourself'er, but in some of those areas, it's TOTALLY worth getting it done professionally!

    And might I add that your brows look AMAZING! I thread from time to time, and I really love how clean it makes the eyes look :)

  3. If only I had eyebrows that were dark enough for someone to actually be able to see them! But hooray for you!

    When I was in the first steps of eating disorder recovery I developed a love for pampering myself with long hot showers. This quickly morphed into long hot baths as soon as I got a place with a tub, and 20 years later soaking in the tub until I'm shriveled like a prune is still one of my most lavish vices.

  4. You did great!!
    Unfortunately (or fortunately?) for me, cosmetic procedures are just one more thing to do.. And I'm too lazy to go. I TRY to have a facial once a year. I'd really like it if I went twice a year but it has never happened.
    And I'm really happy about not having to color my hair anymore since I stopped two years ago.
    I think having your brows done or legs waxed is a great treat - if it in fact feels like a treat! Or is it just the end result that feels so great? I actually do have something similar... my brows are really pale and barely visible, so when I take the ten minutes it takes to dye them, I do like the results a lot.. which last a few weeks. So yeah, I do know what you are saying.. and I should really dye my brows soon as I can barely see them again :)


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