For about a month now I've been on medication for my newly-diagnosed bipolar II disorder. Here's how things have gone.
I'm definitely more stable. The Chief Engineer says that my emotions don't come out of nowhere anymore. I can feel emotional changes when they happen and be able to have a little bit of control over them instead of being completely swept away by a change in mood. So far so good, right?
Well, there's just one little problem. This particular med, Abilify, has some interesting side effects. Like making me want to go to sleep at 9 PM and wake up at 6 AM (not a bad thing!) But it also makes me feel incredibly restless. I need to bounce my leg or pace all the time. At least I have a standing desk at work so at least I can move around constantly. It's pretty frustrating, and bad enough to make me want to stop taking the med. But I will be a good little patient and wait until my next visit with my pdoc to say "TAKE ME OFF THIS STUFF NOW!"
She did tell me that she had a backup plan, one which involves Seroquel or Latuda. The Abilify hasn't made me gain weight but I haven't lost any more than the 5 pounds or so that came off right after I stopped the 20-pound pill-o-poison that was Cymbalta. I hope that the med she chooses doesn't make me gain weight.
I do hope that some of the other positive side effects, like being able to keep my mind on things and being more organized also happen on the next med. It's nice to have an organized house again.
Oh goodness--you have far more patience than I do! I hope the negative side effects taper off. If they don't, I did like seroquel the short time I was on it (never really gave it a fair shot) and didn't have any negative side effects. Hugs to you--dealing with medications is a major headache!
ReplyDeletethanks for the support! It sounds like with this med the bad side effects don't go away so long as you're on the med. Definitely time for a new med!
DeleteOy... I'm really not sure how I would handle being on psych meds. I sorta think it might freak me out a little bit just to think about the idea of having my neuro-transmitters messed with - plus the whole idea of feelings being controlled by drugs, I dunno, I'm not sure I could deal with it all as well as you seem to be. I wish I had something helpful to offer, but all I can say is that I hope whatever you decide to do makes things better. -xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hugs :o)
DeleteI was very resistant to meds at first, but when they worked (even with the side effects) they really changed my life. I'm not thrilled with taking a pill every day for the rest of my life, but given how much I hate my life when I'm not medicated...yeah, I need the meds. At least now I actually believe that there's nothing wrong with being on medication!
Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not that I think there's anything wrong with psychiatric medication, it just frightens me to the point that I think things would have to get REALLY bad (like being institutionalized level of bad) before I'd be brave enough to try them. Can you say "control freak"? But they're obviously helping you, so I commend you for having the bravery to do what you need to do for yourself!
Deleteoh no, I didn't think you were one of those anti-med / all natural folks at all! I was afraid of the meds for many years before I finally caved. No worries, really!
Delete