Wednesday, September 5, 2012

It's not paranoia if they're really after you

The "you buy too much" goons are really after me now. And I deserve it.

I haven't decluttered much lately. I've also been buying more stuff than I'd prefer. We got spooked by a very large credit card bill this month, an unfortunate emergency room visit for the hubs (severe allergic reaction, it happens) and suddenly finding that our long-planned kitchen wall demolition could be moved up to this Fall instead of Winter. Cash (but not savings, fortunately) are tighter than expected. My hallway is getting crowded with stuff to discard that hasn't made it out of the house yet. The books that need to be sold on half.com are waiting to be listed. The clothes for the last few weeks' Friday's Fashion Fallout are still waiting for their date with the donation box.

The most urgent issue is that the purchasing MUST stop. But it's like the eating disorder, I can only go so long before the urge to binge (buy something) overrules the rational desire to behave normally.

At least with shopping, the urge to binge can be fixed safely. I bought a book for my kindle tonight, and then thought better of it. Apparently Amazon has a liberal Kindle books return policy. So I paged through it, got my fix, and returned it. It felt good.

I'm discovering that returning things helps my spending habits a bit. But I still buy too much in the first place. While this does in the end help keep my spending down, it requires a lot of energy. My mother would often buy things, swear she would return them and then I would find the item tossed into a corner in one of the offices later. I don't want to rely on returning things because I may end up getting too lazy to return them.

Do you buy and then return things? Or do you just buy and keep them, even if you regret the purchase?

22 comments:

  1. What helps me with decluttering is keeping the box by the door and filling it. No matter how little is in it, I take it to the Salvation Army each Friday or Saturday. I put a new box down and start again. In my head, I want to be a freecycler, craigslister and half.comer but the reality is that taking boxes to the thrift store works for me.

    I don't buy if I know I have to return something. The hassle of the return turns me off. I almost never return anything.

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    1. You have a lot of great advice and I love the idea of going to the thrift shop every week no matter what. My psychologist says that scheduling things like you do is really the best way to make sure that things happen. Thanks!

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  2. I return stuff all the time - wish I'd thought to try to return a book to b&n that I ordered via my Nook. It is a real stinker. I just organized all my clothes and shoes, and that is helping me get rid of stained stuff - I know I have enough clothes and shoes. (And 2 pairs of black clogs! 2 pairs of brown clogs! the black ones are virtually identical!)

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    1. I have the same problem with duplicates! I think I'll have to do a post on that sometime. Great job cleaning out your closet! It's always a big achievement :o) Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. I accidentally bought a book on Amazon and was amazed by the fact that I could return it! With Kindle books I tend to only buy them if they are on sale and get the sample first to decide if I really want it!
    I never used to return stuff, but recently bought a dress and on first wearing the decorative beads started to come off...it was in the sale, and I was actually quite pleased that there was not another one to swap it with! Relying on returning stuff would be dangerous for me as I'd definitely get too lazy to do it!

    Agree with Vizion above- for me, it works best to just donate stuff, as there are SO MANY opportunities for procrastination when selling stuff! Perhaps set yourself a deadline to sell, or at least to list, and if not they get donated? Might motivate you a bit :)

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    1. procrastination gets me every time. Deadlines seem the way to go!

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  4. YES!!! I actually have a half-written post about my returning habits lol! I go through buying binges too, but more often than not, return a lot, if not everything. I am *so* happy for return policies. My sister, on the other hand, buys things and NEVER returns a damn thing. Sometimes she has be run errands for her, and I finally returned an unopened video game she received 2 Christmases ago!! There have also been numerous times I've helped her clean out her closet only to find half of the things she's donating still have tags on them because she was too lazy to return. I think the whole shopping binging is getting better for me. I feel like I've learned how to better analyze items, so less is coming in. It's a very, slow gradual process, but you can do it!

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    1. I remember your post about the swimsuits! Even though I'm returning a lot I think it's the first step in moving away from the "buying stuff we don't want and then getting stuck with it." Eventually control over what comes in the door will come. It just takes some practice...and a few (or many!) returns!

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  5. I don't buy too many things, but when I buy something I'm not happy with, I definitely return it. More money in my pocket and less clutter? That's a huge win-win. Now a days, I'm also pretty quick to return gifts I receive that I don't like. I find the faster I manage to do it, the less I feel bad about it and wind up keeping it out of pity. Chances are, the person who gave me the gift wants me to be happy and would rather I return the gift and be happy than keep the gift and be unhappy.

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    1. For the moment I'm not doing so much returning that it's a problem. It's still a win-win. So long as I don't buy/return much more! I'm impressed that you find it so easy to return gifts! I'm still working on that. When my family provides gift receipts that is. None of them could imagine me wanting something else...gasp!

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  6. Oh, I return lots of impulse purchases. Often to the Target across the street.

    I did once return a book to B&N and told the clerk that the reason for the return was "I was drunk when I bought this and didn't realize it would probably suck."

    One of the hardest things to learn about getting rid of things is that sometimes you have to sacrifice getting rid of things "the best way" (by selling or giving to charity or saving it for a friend or whatever) and just get rid of it. It all has to do with saving your mind and getting to that healthier place.

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    1. I definitely have a post about the "getting rid of it the best way vs. just getting rid of it" coming up soon. You were spot on with your comment about getting to a healthier place!

      And I'm sure it wasn't funny for you at the time, but I did enjoy your story about drunken book purchases :o)

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  7. i'm terrible about returning things. I generally don't ever buy stuff online/mail order because I *know* I won't return it if there's a problem. It's just such a pain in the butt. We have a bag of wrong-size birthday presents from the end of july i need to return, still.

    I just kind of hate stores, though - i procrastinate buying things, too. Like not getting new jeans until the worn spot in my only pair turns into an actual hole.

    I love REI, though - we bought a tent, used it once, didn't like it (not good enough ventilation) and then it sat for FOUR YEARS in our attic before my partner finally returned it.

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    1. but at least you understand your behaviors and know what you will end up doing. That's a big step!

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  8. I grew up in a country where returning things was not generally possible - even faulty things were sometimes difficult to return. Now I live in the US so I can return things that don't live up to their promises, but I try not to buy or return very much. I read somewhere that knowing you can return something actually decreases your satisfaction with it.
    I saw people who had shopping bulimia when I was working on commission at a high end department store. They would come in and take lots of time trying on beautiful clothes, charge hundreds of dollars worth of stuff to their credit cards, and then a few days (or hours) later it would all come back for a refund. One woman was notorious (we would hide when she was in store and hope she didn't ask for us by name) She was horribly demanding. She would buy on one floor then return it all an hour or two later on another floor, exchanging for more stuff. It ALL ended up being returned, every time. All that work, hours wasted, and no commission for the person helping them.
    I read that the moment a shopper feels the best is when they have decided to buy, but before they have paid. At that point the item is in their hands, pure potential, no hassles or worries yet. Sometimes I get that feeling by bookmarking or pinning something on pinterest as if I am buying it. When it doesn't arrive later I have usually gotten over the want anyway!

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    1. Calling it "shopping bulimia" just struck a real chord with me. Since shopping is my other compensatory behavior you're showing me a real reason why I need to look at just why I'm buying/returning. That moment of purchase before we've paid I've heard is something that taps into our primordial "women as gatherers" prehistoric behavior. It's a hard thing to fight!

      Your comment was brilliant. I'm looking forward to stopping by your blog soon!

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    2. =) I admire your determination to change!

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  9. Are you a list person? I've become overly excited with shopping lists because they make me think especially hard about purchasing something that ISN'T on my list. As a coupon-er that also helps keep me on task because I've saved some serious cash buying this on sale with coupons, paying full price is weird for me now!

    You're obviously aware of your tendencies and you're honest with yourself about it... that's the toughest part. Good luck, you can do it!

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    1. I'm getting better at my lists. I've never been able to go into a store with a list and get exactly what's on the list and no more. I'll have to work on that. I have been using the Amazon.com wishlists as a way of giving myself time to really think about whether I really want to get certain items. I'm jealous of your laser-focused shopping ability! I'll get there one day...

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  10. I have to admit that I'm a bulimic shopper. I find that when I go clothes shopping and I'm not 100% sure on an item, I will still buy it with the realization that I will probably return it. I used to be really bad with this and realized that when I go to return my first purchase, I just buy more clothes that I don't need. It a vicious cycle!! Now I am in the process of cleaning up my mothers house and realizing that I need to de-clutter my own house. I have such a hard time getting rid of some clothes because I barely wore them. I am proud to say that I now have a pile of clothes to sell on ebay. Now to find the time to take pictures and list them all!! It never ends :) Good Luck!!

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  11. I return anything unwanted. No way am I keeping something I don't want--that's throwing money away. It's a good feeling when the clerk tells me a certain amount of money "is back on your card". Reading the comments, I guess I'm fortunate that I'm not tempted into shopping too often.

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  12. Not too long ago I really wanted this organizer for my crafting stuff but it was pricey and I wasn't sure where I would house it. Instead I spent several weeks buying and returning other items that might do the trick but all managed to disappoint me in some way. What I really wanted was the thing I couldn't have so finally I just got over it.

    My grandmother in law used to go shopping at Target every Saturday morning, then Sunday she'd look at the ads and see what was now on sale and bring the item back and demand the difference in price and they would give it to her. She did for weeks before I told her to either quit doing that or quit telling me about it as it just drove me crazy. I'm not sure which she did but can you imagine driving all the way back to the store for a $1 or so? Can you image having to put up with this lady every Sunday morning?

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