He's back, and so is the budget

The good news...

The Chief Engineer came back.

I won't go into personal details but the couples I know who separated and came back together are quite a bit stronger than they were before. Yes, it was very painful. But I knuckled up, took better care of myself than I have in ages during my nearly three months alone, and I think we came out better for it.

One improvement is that we will now and forevermore live with separate finances. Part of our problem came from the fact that I spend money like water and he holds on to it. That of course builds resentment. Having two incomes gave me a false sense of financial security. Now I live under my own income. I also bought a car. First car! I need a car now as he and I were co-dependent before and never did anything apart (no wonder we needed to separate!) We now both have activities at the same time in different cities.

After groceries and my car loan and my contribution to our mortgage I have $400/week left to spend on what's got to get bought. That should be plenty, I think. I hope. I'm not good with money so we'll have to see how it goes.

Now here's the bad news...

When we separated it was very quick and very dirty. He took one credit card and I took the other and the debt that came with it. Fortunately I managed to snag 0% interest on a new spare credit card. I got the spare card because when I went to rent a car back in May I found out that I didn't have the right brand of card (visa/mc/amex) and couldn't do the rental. I also feel that since the stripes on my cards die occasionally, it would be good to have a spare. Here's the debt.

Debts: $3220
$3000 at 0% for 16 months on credit card
$220 at 0% until September 2015 on PayPal credit

I've added bars on the right to track my progress. I've spent the summer contributing to an emergency fund for myself but not chipping away at the debt. That is in my name and is my responsibility. Let's see how I do. Hopefully money will no longer divide us.

In the meantime, check out my "Organizing $$$" tab to follow my progress!

Organizing for house guests before and after

When the Chief Engineer moved out I decided that 1200 square feet and two bedrooms was too much space for just me, and honestly I wanted some company. I also wanted some incentive to keep the place clean and organized! I decided to put the spare space on Air BnB and within a week had two lovely guests. I specified women only. Both women were my age and very friendly and I was happy to have them over. The extra money didn't hurt on my new budget either!

Before the ladies came I needed to get things cleaned up. I'd really let go after the separation, as you can see!

Except for the kitchen. That was okay.

Problem: I come home, I'm tired, and everything lands on the couch

Or next to the bed!

After ages of decluttering, my problem now is not that I don't have space for things, it's just that I don't put things away. After I tidyed up here's how it all looked. So much better, right?



Does anyone have any suggestions for avoiding the mess in the first place? I'm so tired when I come home from work that I just drop it all and then don't seem to get around to tidying up until I have a reason, like house guests. I think it's good incentive for me to continue to do Air BnB.

So many hobbies, so much stuff!

A big challenge of being separated and alone again has been keeping myself busy, happy, and organized without someone else doing the planning. Also, without breaking the bank!

One of my favorite activities is sailing. Sounds expensive, right? But because I live in Maryland and work at a place with a sailing club it’s a cheap activity. It costs me $10 per person to rent the sailboat for a half day or $7.50 to participate in a regatta, aka a boat race. Gas is $15 if I drive alone. $25 isn’t bad for an entire day’s worth of fun.  

The hardest part has been making sure that I have all of my stuff ready for sailing. I can’t believe how much gear is involved! The first two times I went out this year I had to turn around and go back home because I forgot things. I ended up late to the marina both times. One of those times was the morning of a regatta. Not good!

My sailing instructor suggested a go-bag. It’s just a pre-packed bag. The idea is that when you get home from a day sailing you re-pack it so that you’re ready to go the next time. An important part of the go-bag is a list of all of the stuff that has to be added on the day-of. This way you really don’t forget anything. 

Here’s the waterproof card I keep in the bag. It tells me what needs to be in the bag at all times.

Here’s what all of the pre-packed stuff looks like.

On the morning of a sail I can use this card to know what to add. 

And since my glasses case isn’t big enough to fit my huge sunglasses, I store them in my sailing gloves. Instead of buying a new pair of sailing gloves ($25+) I just repurposed my old gardening gloves. The ropes on a boat can give you awful blisters so the gloves are a must!

If you’re like me and you’re always forgetting things on the way out the door, a go-bag works great. The bag just lives next to my door so that when I’m running out the door at 6:30 on a Saturday morning I don’t have to think!

Looking forward to another day out on the water.

How do you prepare your gear for hobbies you participate in often? 

What a year it's been, are you still the same?

Has your opinion changed?

Those are some of my favorite lyrics from a song I love, I Don't Know You Anymore, by Savage Garden. In some ways, it sums up my life since I've stopped blogging.

So here's what happened.

In January of 2014 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II. Then they started throwing meds at me. Five in total. Then, I didn't realize, the medication made me crazier than I was to start with. I spent a week on a psych ward, voluntarily. I got out of the hospital and spent 9 months thinking I was well.

I wasn't. I was happy but I was bingeing more than I had in years and I was incredibly disconnected from the world, from my work, from my husband. The only things I could do well were write stories, write music, spend money, and sleep.

Of course it all came crashing down on me. In March I almost lost my job because I couldn't focus.

In April the Chief Engineer left. Whether he's coming back in another question. Some of this is to do with the mental health issues I've struggled with, some of it is his own issues, and some of it is that we've been together for 10 years and grown into different people in that time.

So where does it leave me?

I'm off the bipolar medication. Not a decision I regret, as I'm able to focus on my job-related work and on the people around me. When I went off the meds the bingeing almost all but went away! So now I mostly have the ups and downs to contend with. It's going to take a while to learn to deal with them without medication and without using the eating disorder to numb those emotions.

I have the condo to myself and the only one to pick up after me is me. I also now have a car and a car loan. I also have the guilt associated with both of these moves as I wasn't financially prepared to buy a car and I told myself that I would never lead a life where I would need a car. But I need it to see my aunt and uncle and friends who live nowhere near me, all of whom are keeping me sane right now. I have discovered that it was a huge mistake not to have a bank account to myself. I feel like I'm starting over financially, emotionally. That's not a bad thing. I made a lot of mistakes before. I'm only 32, and still willing to learn.

Back to budgeting, decluttering, and sorting myself out emotionally. I'm ready for the ride.

A Handful of Pills Can Get a Little Out of Hand

Part of the reason I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital back in August was that my meds were no longer doing their job. I was suicidal on a daily basis and paralyzed by anxiety, and I knew it. I felt it was important that I be somewhere where I would be safe from myself, and somewhere my medications could be adjusted safely. This is because medications are unpredictable. One major change in meds could take me from suicidal to happy, or happy to suicidal. Or anything in between.

Luckily we mostly figured out my meds in the hospital. I've had a few tweaks lately and it's made taking my medication more confusing, and I've been missing doses. That's not helping me manage anything. Here's my new system for organizing my meds. 

Before: my bathroom sink loaded with meds 'n stuff

 

 An old train case became the perfect place for all of my meds and viatmins. 

I've labeled the tops of the Rx bottles so I know what they are without having to remove the bottles.

All nice and organized!

 

Hopefully it will make it a little easier to take this lovely little pile of pills each day. Yuck. 

Paging Nurse Ratchet

The girl who used to post almost every week suddenly stopped writing, with no warning. So what happened?

My bipolar disorder pushed me to a breaking point, so I spent 5 days on a locked psych ward. Voluntarily. And in some peculiar way it changed my life, for the better.

It's been a while, a lot has happened since then, but I think I'm ready to write, and to respond to the folks out there who have shared your words of strength, support, and affection with me.

Oh, and to get back to writing about uncluttering and de-hoarding. Because my closet is a disaster :o)

Thank you all again for your support. Look for more from me in the coming days!

Gifts from the hoarder parents and more money wasted

I learned a long time ago to never admire anything in my mother's presence, because she would immediately run out and buy it for me. Exhibit A:

I stopped by my parents' house last week, just for an hour. My mother made excuses about how there are still piles of things that are headed for the thrift shop (sure, I'll believe that when pigs fly.)  But it wasn't the stuff in the living room that bothered me. No, it was the "care package" I got without asking for it.

My mother sent me home with a box of gluten-free pasta (no problem, I'll eat that). Next was a huge box of coffee filters, a brick of coffee, and a ceramic coffee maker.

For the record, I vehemently dislike drip coffee. This incredible disdain for coffee ran so deep within my soul that when I was at a family party at the age of two, I snuck a sip of my uncle's coffee, then promptly spat it back all over him.

At this point I only drink lattes. But apparently my mother thought I needed all of this coffee-making stuff. The multiple times I said "I'm really okay without it" were ignored. Finally I gave up and went home with the bag of stuff. Nevermind the fact that I have NO SPACE in my cabinets!

In fairness, I did give the Melitta coffee maker thing a try. It just didn't work out for me. It was too watery, the water drained too fast, and I had to waste two filters and two tablespoons of coffee to get 2 ounces of strong espresso-style coffee each time I tried.

I will see my parents again this weekend as we have another wedding to attend. I will return the coffee maker, filters, and coffee. If she refuses to take it, I'll drop it off at the thrift store. Gosh, I hope she didn't spend a lot of money on this stuff. Is it so hard to call someone first and ask if they really want a particular thing, before going right out and buying it? Why continue to pour money down the drain when a simple question could solve that problem?

Do your family members randomly give you stuff you don't want/ask for?

~~~~~~~~~~

**For those of you who remember that I stopped talking to my parents last year, here's what's happened since:

I'm back on vaguely speaking terms after enjoying nine months of freedom from the hoard and all of the absurd behavior that accompanies it. It finally seemed to click with my parents that if they want me in their life, I expect them to get a little bit of help for their disorders. After nine months, they are far more stable than before. I feel safe enough for short visits. Thanks to everyone for their support during that time.

A cheap and fun weekend

In keeping with our goal to dramatically cut back spending on anything that isn't food or medical expenses we planned a cheap weekend filled with good food and good times, a couple errands, and a very small treat for me.

My best friend from work lives out in the country so normally we'll just hang out around where we work. But fortunately for our friendship, Miles' next door neighbor is a certified Honda mechanic and our car needed a bit of work. Andrew does all of the work on our car at a fraction of the price at the dealership. This means we had another excuse to visit my friend.  The car got fixed, we saved a bundle, and Andrew got to make some extra money.  Good all around.

So while Andrew was working, Miles, his girlfriend Mara, the Chief Engineer and I enjoyed a good lunch and literally hours of conversation. Miles then took us to a really awesome used bookstore. In the DC area used bookstores don't exist because they don't make enough money. This was an hour outside of the city so the used bookstores were back and it was a real treat. Sadly there's no picture of me skipping down the aisles.

Miles is hiding in there somewhere

We did splurge and I got a hardback book for $5. I'm devouring it and I'm sure it'll be a book I read several times over. I skipped the chocolate-covered maple-smoked bacon soda and the Leninade that they offered at the cash register. Perhaps next time. Got a good laugh out of it though.

How was your weekend?

Office decluttering before and after!

 I'm back to decluttering again. The office is one place that I keep meaning to declutter and it never really happens. This AM I finally bit the bullet and started cleaning my two largest drawers.

Before

Drawer 1: Towel for the days I run at lunch, several pairs of heels, 3 umbrellas, and a push-up bra?!

Drawer 2: more shoes, another umbrella, a winter hat, my lunch bag for the day, an ice cube tray and a box of grapenuts.

I decided to declutter by completely emptying out the drawers and then adding items back in. 

This is how it looks now.

After 

 

This drawer is now for bags and the day's items. The red bag contains a reusable grocery bag. Both bags will stay there for use on days when I have large items to carry home. The blue bag was my handbag for the day, and the tall thing was a sodastream cylinder to take back home to get refilled. 

 

 The top drawer is now my food drawer. I eat breakfast and my afternoon snack at the office so there are several shelf-stable food items: oatmeal, tinned fruit, sardines, instant latte mix, protein powder, and the red tin has jars of peanut butter and packets of grits and grapenuts for breakfast.  The purple tin contains tea and coffee. I keep enough plates/cups/silverware for two meals or two people. The white box is my box for dirty dishes, which makes it easy to do the cleaning before I leave. 

I can't say it's minimalist, but I can say that every single item in that drawer will get used at least once a week.

Now on to the other drawers!

What the Spanish taught me about money

This is what I feel like I've been doing with money lately. Money can never make it to the piggy bank because I burn it on a new kitchen. A trip to Williamburg. A trip to Spain. Meals out. Trinkets on the internet.

Yes, the kitchen's gorgeous and was ultimately worth the expense. It took up a lot of time and kept me from feeling bored or depressed. Going to Spain was also another expensive distraction. Williamsburg was a trip to lift my mood (and reconnect with good family).

In Spain I lived for three weeks with a wonderful, wonderful 76 year-old lady. This woman had her life figured out. She was extremely wealthy but didn't live like it. She took students because they were interesting, not because she needed the moolah. She lived off the interest of her many assets and mostly spent money on two things:

 

Food. The food she made was incredible, and I took notes. After a couple weeks I noticed something weird. I had absolutely no desire to eat out. At all. When I got home I heard a quote from Paul Newman: "Why should I go out for a burger when I've got a steak at home?"  Her food was so good that I didn't miss eating out one bit.

Quality time with family and friends. She'd visit her daughter and grandson weekly. Each day at 10 AM she'd go take a walk and meet friends for a $2 coffee, then chat away the morning. Her adult son stopped by each day for lunch (this is normal in Spain).

I didn't see her spend money on anything else except medicine, rent and utilities. She cleaned the house daily and it was immaculate and a joy to stay there. And in spite of being a widow she was one of the happiest people I've ever met. I don't think my home needs to be immaculate but I do think that a clean, decluttered home makes you want to stay and relax there and not need so many distractions.

What to take from this? If my goal is to stop shopping to fill an emotional void, I want to try to attack that emotional void like a Spaniard.

1. Focus more on preparing really, really good food.
2. Spend more time with friends
3. Clean the house a bit every day.
4. Walking every day.

These things should make me happy and take up quite a bit of time. I'll be less bored, healthier, and happier, I hope. Maybe less in debt in the end. It's an experiment. Let's see how it goes!