Tuesday, February 4, 2014

I fulfilled my dream. Now what?

What were your goals in life as a young adult? Mine were pretty much focused on escaping the life I grew up living. I wanted to
1. Have a neat and organized house without a lot of stuff
2. Have a happy, respectful marriage where I felt safe
3. Work at a certain Really Big Library doing things I enjoyed
4. Have enough money to do most of the things I wanted without feeling too restrictive
5. Stop caring so mcuh about my weight
6. Have some respect for myself.
And in many ways, all of those goals (except #2 and 3) were things I set out to do when I started this blog a few years back. And as my posts got fewer and farther between, I started to ask why. Well, it's because I've actually achieved those goals. My home is tidier than ever. I feel very settled in my marriage and I'm keeping my parents' very destructive marriage as far away from me as possible. I got a great job at said Really Big Library (quite literally, my dream job). Even though I'm still paying off a few very inexpensive loans, we'll easily be out from under them in 6-8 months and I'm expecting a promotion at work in the next two months. I can look in the mirror now without hating myself. I know I'm capable enough.
Great! Go me!
Sure, there's some room for improvment in all of the areas I mentioned. But I no longer feel pressure to be perfect. I'm okay with the fact that the condo won't be perfectly neat all the time. I don't think I will ever re-train myself to put my clothes in the hamper at night. They're always going to be on the floor of the bathroom in the morning and will find their way into the hamper before I'm off to work. Every single day.  But there's no longer so much stuff lying around that I'm afraid of breaking my ankle trying to walk across my room. I'll never like what I see in the mirror, but it doesn't make me feel miserable any more. I know I'm capable, even if I'm not perfect. Even Jillian Michaels says that perfect is boring, and I believe that. I'm happy where I am. Yikes!
I suppose I'm having my mid-life crisis. I have a lot of free time now and a lot more psychological time than I've ever had before. It's a completely new thing for me not to have a goal to work towards. I don't feel like I'm perpetually reaching for a goal that's out of my reach anymore.
Now what do I do? Now what do I blog about?


  1. Quarter(ish)-life crisis time! I'm completely still going through mine haha!

    I know you've been mentioning having a baby has one of your goals, but that has not yet been met. And trust me, one s/he comes, that will bring a whole new set of goals/worries/problems/anxieties. Enjoy the mental siesta while you've got it. You've come such a long way---so proud of you :)

    1. Like I said in my email, thanks for all of the advice! Looking forward to meeting you in person soon!

  2. Hi Zoe

    You sound happy and relaxed and I am delighted. Life does not need to be constantly goal-orientated. Live in the moment, enjoy the spaces you have created and as Megyn says, parenthood will bring you a whole new set of challenges.

    As for what to blog about - sometimes I wonder the same thing and then other days my head is simply brimming with ideas for blog posts. Blogging for me is a creative outlet. It is really the first time I have just written things since I left school,and boy, that is a long time ago! I am enjoying writing and find myself picking up on a comment in conversation or something I observe and suddenly my blogging imagination takes over. This has resulted in a fairly random blog, unlike some that are very focused and specific.

    Best wishes.

    1. Thank you so much for the support. It's meant so much to me. I also very much appreciate the mention of a less formal blog, which I think fits my much-more-relaxed lifestyle.


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