Friday, May 31, 2013

Recovering from my eating disorder and cleaning out my closet with project 333

The last couple weeks have been filled with breakthroughs in eating and hoarding habits. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown early last week and ended up taking a full two days off work to recover and visit my psychiatrist to figure out what was going on.

I’d been struggling terribly with my eating disorder since completing intensive outpatient treatment, badly enough that I’ve come to see it as a mini-relapse.  It’s okay, I’m back on my feet and actually better than ever. But something I did on those two days off really helped.  I FINALLY did project 333!

I’d gained a lot of weight since starting treatment three years ago. I used to wear a size 4; now I’m a 12. It didn’t happen overnight and because of that I own a LOT of clothes that don’t fit, don’t feel good, and don’t look good. Forcing myself into those too-small clothes was making me miserable and actually triggering my binge/restrict cycle, which was just making me heavier. When I finally figured that out I realized that I absolutely had to put away everything that didn’t fit and everything that I didn’t love.
I got everything out of the closet, out of every drawer. Here it all is on the couch. This doesn’t include outerwear, suits, or workout clothes.

I was surprised, it didn’t look like much. But it totaled:

43 T-shirts
6 Shorts and capris
14 Pairs of dress pants
4 Pairs of jeans
11 Sweaters
28 Work blouses
3 Skirts

That’s a lot of clothes! 109 items, to be exact. I went through everything and left only what I loved and what fit. I didn’t even make it to 33 items. I was shocked! I actually have to buy clothes to complete my 33 items and so that I don’t have to walk around half-naked, since I don’t fit in any of my shorts and many of my shirts anymore.

This is the huge pile of boxes of clothes that I don’t fit into. And one very exhausted me. 

I’m letting myself go out shopping next week to get three pairs of shorts and two shirts. Normally I would make myself wait or get the cheapest thing. But I realize that I’m probably going to be a size 12 for a long time and that I deserve decent clothes, and wearing clothes that make me look or feel bad can send me right back into the middle of my disorder. At least it’s only 5 items.
Next week I’ll update on my final selections and my completed closet!

You're probably wondering, what am I doing with the huge pile of boxes? It’s gone back into the closet. My dietician feels that I’ve probably topped out at my weight and she expects a bit to come off in the next year as I shake the last of my eating disorder and settle into my natural weight. The clothes that don’t fit will go out next May 1st. Whatever size I am by next May is the size I’m going to be, and no smaller. I know it's an excuse, but it's been an emotionally rough couple weeks and I'm not quite ready to let go of my thin self (and thus, the clothes) completely, just yet. 


  1. Hope you find a couple fabulous pieces on your shopping trip, looking forward to seeing your completed wardrobe! I just started my second round of Project 333 and it has been EXTREMELY helpful with getting rid of clothes and figuring out what my closet essentials and favorites are. There were so many only so-so things taking up space - love having space in the closet and fewer choices each morning. I gave away over 100 items of clothing last month, and still have well over a hundred left - purging is a process...

    1. I'm so impressed that you've been able to give away so many clothes! I still have such an emotional attachment to them, or at least, to my formerly thin self. I found one cute top already, just need two more! Thanks for reading. I just subscribed to your blog too!

  2. Joanna

    I am so impressed with what you have achieved - despite the obvious struggle. I agree that having clothes which are not perfect for the size you are now is not good. Believe me, been there, done that even though I have faced the challenges that you have.

    Best wishes and be kind to yourself.

    1. thank you so much for your support :o) as always, it means a lot to me!

  3. I meant 'have not faced'.

    Poor editing skills. :(

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Loving your body is the best way to recover from eating disorder. If you're having problems with maintaining your weight, then you should take a look on your food intake. Make sure that you don't over eat, and you eat on time. Have a taste of everything in moderation to satisfy your cravings without the need to be guilty. Discipline is the key to a healthy life.

    -Romeo Perales @


Please be kind :o)

If you try to advertise your online business by writing a comment on this blog, please don't bother because I will delete it.