Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Sometimes it never falls off at all.
The Saturday after Thanksgiving I went shopping with my mom. My parents live in a town with one of America's top 5 largest shopping malls. It's not the kind of place you can easily hop into and out of quickly.
The reason for going to the mall was simple: I needed a jar of one of the very few moisturizers I'm not allergic to. My eczema had flared up badly from the stress of being at my parents' house and I was quite uncomfortable. Buy one thing, get in, get out, right? Wrong.
So I picked up my cream and was looking at some makeup while the clerk rang up my purchase. I tried on an eyeliner, tried on a lipstick...didn't like either of them and I'd already spent enough on the cream.
My mother just tagged along so that we could get in some mother/daughter time. And yet when I got back to the register I noticed that my mother was having a purchase rung up as well. She showed me her haul. Two lipsticks. And one more thing. And then it was what she said to the clerk that got me.
"I'll get the same cream my daughter bought, too."
Wait, what?
My mom's total three-item purchase was a $75 impulse buy. Okay, fine, it's her money (though I know now where I learned that it was 'okay' to impulse purchase anything under $350). Maybe she'd even been thinking about the lipsticks for a while and finally was in the place to get them. What really confuses me is that she bought something because I bought it. This is definitely not the first time that's happened.
I can't begin to guess whether or not she'll actually use the cream. Maybe since it's an eczema cream and she also has eczema, it was just a simple case of wanting to try something that someone else had given a high rating. After all, I'm not sure there's an eczema cream on the market that actually works well and some days I'll try anything if it'll just make me stop itching. I understand that motivation and that desperation. But she seems to do a lot of things just because I do them or my sister does them. Particularly with purchases, those items end up not getting used and rarely thrown away.
I find that I am less likely to flip out at my mother when I at least know what her (illogial) reasoning is. I have a vague idea of what's going on here, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.
Bonding and acceptance. My theory is that she purchases the same product to show you she approves and accepts who you are...but instead of using words, she uses stuff. It could also be to fit in. Instead of showing she accepts you, she maybe wanting your acceptance. I see that scenario a HUGE amount in our boys. Our youngest copies what the oldest likes as an attempt to fit in. Maybe she's doing the same?
ReplyDeleteThat may be it! Now that I think about it, she usually does this kind of thing after I've either done something along the lines of "self care," like buying myself the expensive moisturizer, or when I'm being very charitable, like buying presents for Toys for Tots.
DeleteOkay, so I guess i have to stop buying stuff around her if I want her to emulate my un-hoarded life! lol
Oy! Well, I fear I have no wisdom to offer on the shopping front, other than that I always do mine online - I find actually going to the store to be a rather horrific experience.
ReplyDeleteBut... on the eczema front, I had a terrible bout of it a while back and the only thing that worked for me was something called Theraplex Emollient. The stuff is a tad bit sticky, but it will soak in after a few minutes and the stickiness goes away. Worth its weight in gold IMHO! (I also stopped using both soap - well, except for the smelly parts - and shampoo, and it really, REALLY helped.)
oh, thank you!! I'll probably need your advice on which one of their long list of creams to use once I run out of what I just bought.
DeleteI've been doing the less soap route (eucerin's oil body wash seems to help me) but the shampoo/conditioner has been a real problem with long, tangly hair. If you have any suggestions about a non-irritating conditioner that actually works I'd love to know. Thanks!
Well... I went totally radical and don't use either shampoo or conditioner anymore. It took a while to sort out a system that works for me, but it has been SOOOOO worth it. Not only do I not have hives and eczema anymore, but my hair looks WAY better and it's so much easier to deal with.
DeleteSo, if you're curious about the "over the top" "no poo" system, here's my (very long) post about what I do: http://ecocatlady.blogspot.com/2012/02/secrets-to-my-no-poo-success.html
I'm with Minimalist Mommi on that.
ReplyDeleteI guess, that comes from the same sentiment as sharing in general. To share something with someone you love (or take part in her interests) and to show others that you share with/do the same as your loved one. Just like teen girl best friends who wear the same sweater/bracelet just to show everyone that they belong together.
Ah. So I shouldn't take it so negatively. I guess I just need to do more things that would be good for her to emulate, not destructive! Thanks for your comment.
DeleteUgh, I have eczema, too. Mine's pretty severe. I think growing up in a hoarded home greatly exacerbated the problem. I've used Theraplex like EcoCatLady and liked it, but it's kind of hard to find and a little on the expensive side. I've found the easiest and least expensive option is a combination of mineral oil and Vaseline. After a shower while I'm still damp, I apply a thin layer of mineral oil topped off with a film of Vaseline. My skin is so severely dry that it doesn't take long to soak in. I also use a product called Complex 15 on my face under my makeup as my facial skin is much more sensitive. It would be interesting to know what percentage of COH's have autoimmune problems. I also have asthma and ulcerative colitis.
ReplyDeleteI have asthma, too. Funny thing is that all of the research nowadays says that when young kids are exposed to more germy and, er, disgusting environments they're less likely to develop allergies and asthma. What a great study we'd have with a bunch of COH's! But you're right, I feel like the COH's I know tend to have more AI problems. Or maybe it's that some of our parents' psychological issues are related to their having AI problems themselves. Did your folks have asthma/allergies/other AI problems?
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