I turn 30 in April. Yes, I know, I'm not old! I know! But the biological clock is ticking. My parents spent years trying to have me and apparently I was finally coneceived in a petri dish. This could take a while. But before any of that happens, there are a few things that I want very much to do, because these things will be very difficult or impossible with small children.
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| When did my uterus decide that this was a good idea?! |
1.) Travel to Australia and snorkel in the great barrier reef. That unfortunately means we have to go during the one time of the year when it's warm enough to do that.
2.) Renovate part of kitchen (wall and new cabinet) so that the Chief Engineer and I can both fit in it!
The kitchen seems optional at first. But Fairy has seen first-hand that there's a bit of a problem with the kitchen. When she and her husband took their Great American Tour earlier this year, the three of us plus the Chief Engineer tried to stand in my kitchen. We managed it for about two minutes before we all got claustrophobic! There's definitely no safe space to put a baby where I could see him/her and still cook, so that needs to come before a kid.
About Australia. My mother suggested that we just leave the kid with her and my dad for three weeks while we travel (and leave my kid in the hoard?! I could come back and find my child buried under a pile of diaper boxes full of photos from when I was an infant!) I almost considered it though. But apparently I know nothing about mommying because I had to look up on a baby blog that no mom would want to leave her kid while she's still nursing! So no Australia post-baby, either.
Point being, those two things are going to be insanely expensive. But we've done the math, and getting it all done and paid for within the next 13 months means one scary thing: we need to trim $1000 per month off our expenditures, or we have to wait an extra year to have kids.
I need to get over my eating disorder so I can stop spending upwards of $300 a month on treatment. I've wanted to go to Australia badly for years, and the kitchen currently isn't conducive to family life. So I have to stop buying crap so I can buy the work on the kitchen. I have to stop shopping to soothe myself. I am not bringing my kid into a home where two serious mental health problems aren't under control.
And it's my choice, so I don't get to complain!
As a child of hoarders and a mom of a toddler, and one on the way, I wish I'd found your blog sooner. :D The tips for decluttering with hoarders would have been super helpful a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow. You could take the baby with you to Australia. You'd need to bring someone to watch the baby if you both wanted to go snorkeling at the same time etc. But children under 2 fly free, eat free, stay free, etc. You could get a friend to do the sitting for free in exchange for parts or all of their expenses covered. Or find another family that wants to go too and trade a bit of babysitting.
(People in lots of different lifestyles/circumstances have kids. Some people live in RVs and travel with their band, babies in tow, some people travel to foreign countries... all the babies need is love, food and a safe place to sleep)
But with hoarders in the family... you need to be prepared when you have the baby. Stuff will come to you. Stuff you "need". You will be told your baby "needs" more stuff, more space for the more stuff.
Hm. I'm not so sure how well an infant would do on an 18 hour flight, but then again it's obvious I don't know much about babies! It's something to consider if we really can't pull things together financially.
DeleteAnd about the hoarders, THANK YOU so much for reminding me about that. Do you find that having a list of stuff you want anyways helps? Any strategies? (could I persuade you into doing a guest post on the subject?)
The list will totally help YOU. Especially when it's an offer of a hand-me-down (rather than a gift), so that you know if you need/want it. Then you can say "No thanks, that won't fit in our home" or "We already have something for that purpose"
DeleteMy family are very happy to help others with their stuff, so as long as it's going to SOMEONE that's good enough. The freaked out a little when I donated a bunch of stuff before my first was even born... but because it was going to a mother and baby closet for low-income/teenage/surprise moms they calmed down pretty quickly.
I could very easily be persuaded into doing a guest post. :D
Hm, my grandmother was willing to let go of things if they were going to a good home, but my parents seem to freak out if anything leaves for any reason! I asked to take the piano lamp that no one uses anymore and my mom got incredibly defensive. You're absolutely right that I will need to stop things coming into the house before they get here.
DeleteSo...guest post! Would you be interested in writing something on coping with hoarder parents when you have kids? Or another topic? I'm open to anything and would love to have you contribute something.
I wouldn't postpone having a family because of those two things. If you really want kids, the other things will come at the right time. First off, most people only breastfeed for a year. So, if you just want to take the Australia trip after breastfeeding, you can still go. I suggest bringing the kid with you though with a nanny. Kids are attached at one years old and tend to have issues being abandoned for 3 weeks.
ReplyDeleteAs for the kitchen, do the construction when you have the money and time. Babies don't care if your kitchen is large enough. In fact, if you breastfeed, the baby won't even be in the kitchen for the first 3 months. Plus, you have 9 months where you are pregnant to get the demolition done and repaired before the baby comes.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it all comes down to priorities. If you want a baby NOW...it is definitely possible. Having a baby doesn't mean that all of the things you wanted to do in your life come to an end, it just means that better planning is in order.
I didn't think about taking advantage of the 9 months while I'm pregnant to do the kitchen work. I sort of figured I'd be too miserable to deal with that kind of thing. But you're not the only person who's said that it's doable. Fantastic! Thank you for the suggestion! I feel much less stressed now.
DeleteSo about the kitchen -- when you cook, do you sit the kid near the kitchen to watch him/her? All of my friends bring their infants into the kitchen while they cook, but they have huge suburban, open floor plan kitchens and have the space. But if you as someone who's had kids thinks that construction while pregnant won't be a big deal, then I trust that :o) Thank you for your suggestions. They're really helpful!
ReplyDeleteCan you see anywhere from your kitchen? Ours has a "dinette" area, so I will put the new little one in a reclining portable high chair (It straps to a regular dining chair). In our old teeny-tiny one bedroom I could see the living room from the kitchen. When my now toddler was an infant I had a little "bouncy seat" to strap her into, and I put her facing me, in sight, but I guess technically in another room. Now that she's two I put a snack of veggies or something on the table in case she decides to join me in the kitchen while I cook.
DeleteI can see a chair or two in the dining room. So i think our priority just needs to be getting the wall down so I can see into the living room, and everything else can wait. Thanks for the suggestion!
DeleteI agree with the other commenters on not having to wait. If I was you, I'd DEFINITELY do Australia BEFORE baby. For sure. Yeah, you could bring him/her with someone to watch and all that...but I can't imagine snorkeling with full-boobs that need to be pumped. Ow. If you do it after or with baby (especially first year or two), you're time will be chopped up. It would be hard to just do as you please when you please.
ReplyDeleteAs for the kitchen reno, we did that with a barely 2 year old and newborn...and we did it on our own! So, trust me, that can definitely wait. As for cooking with a baby in the kitchen, that is totally up to you. I usually just stuck kiddos on a play mat/blanket with toys before they were mobile. Once mobile, they just did their own thing. If all else fails, you can wear them in a wrap. You'll be surprised how much they sleep the first 6 months. After that, they start getting mobile, at which point, you won't be able to KEEP them in the kitchen with you haha!
Good luck! I can't imagine trying to plan a baby out, but I hope the timing works as you want it too!
you did your kitchen work with kids that young? I'm seriously impressed. Okay, if you can do it, I can too. I think we're going to put off most of the kitchen then. Everyone else I've heard from seems to think the same as you, that it is possible. Thanks!
DeleteI lived in Queensland for about 15 years and it is almost always warm enough to swim, especially if you are coming from a cold climate! If you don't get to Aust before baby arrives you could wait a few years and then stay at a family friendly resort. There are lots of family friendly places along the GBR where you could leave a 5 year old for a couple of hours at a child activity while you snorkle and then have family time on the beach.
ReplyDeletehm, okay...I may have more questions about the weather in a bit. Thank you for letting me know! It's so hard to tell these things from the online climate records. Real people are much more helpful!
DeleteWhen my husband and I are planning overseas trips, weather is always the thing that is hard to understand and plan for! For Australia try www.bom.gov.au It is the Australian Government funded weather site. There are forecasts, past statistics and even rainfall radars. If this link works it should take you directly to the average stats for Cairns (where I think most international visitors start their GBR trip?) http://www.bom.gov.au/climate/averages/tables/cw_031011.shtml
DeleteCoastal Qld is quite humid, so that always adds heat to the stated temperature. Spring and Autumn might be the best times to visit - as summer can be too hot and humid, and in winter Qld is full of people from southern Australia escaping the cold! Happy planning!