I went back home this weekend while my parents were out of town in the hopes of making some progress clearing out my childhood bedroom without interference from the hoarder parents. I was not the least bit prepared for what I found.
Every time I have gone back to my parents' house I have left with less stuff in my old bedroom than was there when I arrived. There has always been a pile of boxes, but I always leave a path to both windows, the bed, the door, and my dresser. But this pile was something else.
My husband puts it at least twice as large as it was when we left it at Christmas. My bedroom is no longer mine. It is my mother's hoard and my sister's spare closet. Take a look for yourself.
As this was my first video, please for give the 1.) lack of makeup! 2.) obnoxious swallowing and 3.) what sounds like a desire to trash my Bibles. I got so excited about decluttering that my desire to get rid of everything spilled over into my little speech. Not a chance that those books are going anywhere but my own condo. If I can ever get close enough to them to grab them.
Wow, you have my sympathy but I can't really offer any great advice on how to keep your mother and sister from adding to your room while you're not there... short of slapping a lock on the door.When I moved back to my mother's (not knowing what I was getting into), I was paying at least half the bills yet for months didn't even have a whole room. Shelves were still packed full of her stuff, under the bed was stuffed with old magazines. I was traveling so not there much, but once I got a few days at home, I moved all that crap out... and it stayed piled in the dining room the rest of the time I was there. Though she did feel it was her right to wander through my room any time she wanted, at least she wasn't depositing things in there when I was out of town. The only real advice I can give is to try and get your stuff out as soon as possible. Maybe let them know you're coming so they'll clear out their stuff and then you can move the rest of yours out?
ReplyDeleteLetting them know ahead of time like you said seems to make a lot of sense to me. I can't change her, I can only get my stuff out as soon as possible. I can't make her get rid of her stuff, but at least I can ask that it go somewhere else.
DeleteWow, Joanna. Thanks for sharing that. What a shock to learn your Mom would clean all her stuff out if you were coming for a visit...where did it all go?? At least you CAN visit home. My sister and I aren't invited to our family home any more.
ReplyDeleteI think you should swap the nice chest from your Grandmother for the entrance book case. That would look lovely. I'd suggest cutting up some of her clothes to quilt together, but then that just gives you one more project to take on, and the guilt that comes with having too much on your plate!
Thanks for your honesty. You're aware of your own saving tendencies, so you're in a position to be active about it.
Can I ask, what led to your family (hoarder parent?) cutting off contact? There are times when I'm really worried that confronting my mom about the hoard might make her cut me off. The COH list seems to think it's enough of a risk that I was encouraged not to confront her, if I want to have any kind of relationship in the future with her.
DeleteThis scene is not dreadful. There are two ways to handle this.
ReplyDeleteMy first and gentlest suggestion is to take all your clothes and soft things first. Yes, that means all the toys, coats, blankets and sheets that belong to you. Just this one group of things. Take them home to your own space. This will be hard, but not impossible.
If this is too hard then take a more complete approach. This is no longer your room, you have a new place to live. Hire a small truck. Go to the house and pack everything of yours into the truck. Everything. Drive home. Unpack. Take the truck back. Just do it. Hate it but do it.
It all depends on how brave you feel at the time. You will not hurt your parents by following either path. I assure you they will be happy.
wow...that's a lot of stuff :D
ReplyDeletethe only advice that comes to my mind is to put a lock on your bedroom door and close it while you're away...so that your family members won't be able to add more stuff...I know it sounds extreme. If I come up with another idea I'll let you know!
in the meantime I want to give you a big hug!
thank you for sharing this with us :)
aww, thanks! Though I can picture my mom trying to break the locked door down to put more stuff in there. My family doesn't see the room as mine anymore, I guess I'm going to have to get used to that!
DeleteI agree with the idea of packing up everything in your room that is yours and taking it somewhere else. Can you rent a storage unit for one month (giving yourself a hard deadline) and put it there? Then commit to spending each weekend to addressing everything in there? That way it's away from your mom's influence and not in your own home. Give yourself a space/number limit on what you will take home (for example, everything that fits in my trunk, 1 or 2 pieces of furniture, etc.) I had issues with stuffed animals too. I kept them all for my kids. I finally realized that when my kids didn't want to play with them, there was no good reason a 39 year old woman needed fifty stuffed animals. I took pictures of the few that I loved or had some emotional attachment to and then put them in the donate pile. It's hard. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteMy husband votes for the idea of renting a u-haul and taking everything at once. Oh, it's so tempting. I don't think I could stand to have to sort through that pile more than one more time.
DeleteAfter watching your video I do have one suggestion that helped me get rid of stuffed animals when I was still young and very attached to them. I had too many, and understood I needed to thin them out, but I was worried that they wouldn't be taken care of. I ended up taking them to the local children's hospital (after thorough cleaning)and donated them to their prize box for ill children. It does a soul, and cluttered room good.
ReplyDeletethat's brilliant. We have a children's hospital where I work and should be able to find a home for some there. Thanks for the idea!
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